You Stole My Muffin
by Amiiix3
Summary: He glanced down to see a single muffin. Not just any muffin, but a creamy, yellow, banana muffin. James was enamored. “My precious…” he crooned, reaching for the delicious treat with clawed fingers...


**A/N: This was actually written because of a review I received- you know who you are, mystery inspirer- and because the story I'm writing _outside _of fanfiction (who knew there could be such a thing!) is stuck in a weird, kind of writer's block. **

**Anyway, it's like a prequel to "You Stole My Blender."**

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James Potter made his way down the empty corridor. It was late at night and he was quite hungry. Unfortunately, he was on his way _back_ from the kitchens.

Currently, James would have been chomping on some sort of delicacy, but the house elves were in a deep and invigorating chess match, too busy to feed him.

Just before he made it to the fifth floor, James paused. He shut his eyes and pressed his fingertips to his temple.

_A vision was coming._

But before the supposed vision could arrive, he glanced down to see a single muffin. Not just any muffin, but a creamy, yellow, banana muffin.

James was enamored.

"My precious…" he crooned, reaching for the delicious treat with clawed fingers.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" A shrill voice called from the other end of the corridor.

But James had recognized the voice; a thief. And he quickly grabbed the muffin, careful not to smash it.

"Run, darling, run!" he cried, though he was cradling the poor dear in his own arms and racing around the corner at light speed.

He heard the footsteps of his follower behind him.

Now, James Potter was a mighty healthy fellow if he did say so himself. He trained for Quidditch almost every other evening, and he had quite a few muscles.

But this she-devil must have been cheating somehow, because before he could get even a few steps further and disappear behind the secret door-but-not-door, he was tackled to the ground.

"GIVE IT TO ME!" Fiery hair whipped him in the face as Lily Evans sat on his stomach- finely toned, if he did say so himself.

"You…" James panted. He tried again, "You…" More panting. "_You_…" He broke off with ragged breaths. "You…"

"Spit it out already!" Lily was staring at him, annoyed.

James wondered briefly why she did not just snatch the defenseless muffin from his loving arms at that very moment, but he spoke on, "You… _fiend_!"

"_That_'s what I've been waiting for this whole time? _Arrogant prat_…" she muttered under her breath.

"Oh look at that!" James turned his head, forcing a jolly expression on his face. He has a load of sparks from his wand which was lying about a foot from his head, just barely touching his midget (but still sexy) arm.

The sparks hit a shield of armor, carefully placed in the middle of the corridor, and bounced right into the lovely face of Lily Evans.

Her fiery hair caught fire; which was so ironic, James had to stand in the corridor and wait for her to put out the flames before he could move again.

He stuffed the muffin into the keep-safe box he kept in his back pocket (it also made him look like he had a nice bum), and made a dash for it just as Lily extinguished her hair.

"COME BACK HERE POTTER!" And she chased him up a flight of moving stairs.

Unfortunately for James, the second staircase did not want to go up to the Gryffindor Common Room, and he was forced to turn a secret corner and go up to the secret magic-powered elevator.

But Lily Evans was a sneaky one, and she was right on his heels as he entered the elevator. Contrary to what James had hoped, the elevator did not close in her face at the perfect moment as happened in all the wonderful muggle movies Remus possessed.

Instead, Lily slipped in right as the doors were closing, and they just barely missed cutting off her luscious arm (as James thought frightfully).

"Lily!" he cried exuberantly, embracing her. Then he pulled away, realizing that she was threatening his muffin.

He was suddenly pouting, caught between two loves:

Lily Evans- the mortal goddess, doomed to be the target of his affections for eternity

Or

Banana Muffin- the scrumptious treat he was destined to eat…eventually.

Lily kindly waited until the elevator doors were opened and ten fair seconds had passed before she resumed the chase.

Unluckily for her, James made it to the boy's dormitories and locked the door before she could reach him.

"NOOOOOOO!" Lily cried in horror, raising her arms.

"Shush, child!" The Fat Lady said, "Now tell me the password."

"Loony Toons," Lily sobbed.

The portrait swung open, leading her to warmth and light, but in Lily's heart there was only darkness and despair.

_Months Later…_

For the first time in a long time, James Potter had forgotten to take his beloved Banana Muffin with him to Quidditch practice.

And Lily, who had been keeping a sly eye one him, certainly noticed. She wasted no time in sneaking into his dorm, quickly muttering an '_alohamora_' and entering the stale room.

The first scent that hit her was a mixture of sweaty socks and lilacs, which resulted in a deliciously disgusting aroma.

The second scent that hit her was…banana.

Lily followed her trusty nose, bending over to sniff the lint-covered floor. Her shnoz led her to a safe under James's bed, somewhere Lily never would have looked had she not had her nose.

"Who would hide something valuable in a safe?" Lily asked herself, for she only hid valuable objects on the top shelf of her dresser, for easy access to both herself and a common criminal.

She slid the box from under the bed, wiping it's cobwebs off greedily.

"_Alohamora_," she whispered again.

Her eyes lit up as the safe's lid swung open.

"My precious…" she crooned, just as James had done only months before.

She picked up the little ball of fur and rubbed it against her cheek. But wait- something was off…

"Mooooold?" She shrieked, grimacing.

But she could not deny it, the once lovely muffin was now covered in a thick layer of grayish-green mold. It looked like a decrepit tennis ball.

"NOOOOOO!" Lily screamed. But she knew her job was not over. A moldy muffin such as this one could never bet let into the wild.

So Lily ate it. She took first one chunk of it, and then another, and slowly it became somewhat satisfying to eat a mold-covered muffin. She pulled out the camera she always kept in her pocket and took pictures as well.

When the photo developed, all could see the look of ecstasy on her face as she swallowed that one, delicious, banana muffin: crumbs over her cheeks, smeared on her hands, covering her clothing.

And James would never know…

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**Reviews would be wonderful: Did it fit well with the other story? **

**And for those of you who haven't read YSMB: go read it! **

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